Purest of Pain
by Detective Castiel Winchester
Summary: Elliot messed up and lost the woman he loved. Can he get her back or is she gone for good? All he knows is that it won't be easy.One-shot for now, may be more in the future. Mentions of EO friendship.


_Purest Of Pain by Son by 4_

**A/N: My main ship is E/O but I am very open-minded about all the others. This is E/K because there aren't many and, come on, Elliot loves Kathy. I admit that but that doesn't stop me from shipping E/O. I don't hate Kathy…I actually respect her a lot, so this is for the E/K fans. May be one-shot but it can turn into an actual story if you want. No Eli, guys! Oh, and the song lyrics will either be said by Elliot out loud or in his head.**

**I wrote this a while back but never posted...I'm a bit nervous about it.**

* * *

><p>It's been five long minutes. It's been five minutes of Elliot Stabler staring at his cellphone that sat on the glass coffee table in the middle of his small living room. He wanted to call her. He's <em>dying<em> to call her. When was the last time he's actually spoken to her? Hell, the kids were in college but Maureen who's out and living her own life in Florida with her boyfriend, Caleb. So it must have been a while.

Slowly, he reached out for the device and held it firmly in the palm of his hand. He tapped the screen a few times with the pad of his thumb and scrolled down through his contact list. His friend and partner, Olivia Benson, had told him that she tried to talk her out from leaving him again but apparently it was the last straw.

He messed up big time five months earlier.

The last time he spoke to her was actually three months earlier for Kathleen's birthday. She was dating some hot-shot doctor that pissed him off greatly. What was his name? Garrett? Jared? It was something along those lines. What's-his-face was just slightly taller than him – probably by an inch or so – and had golden like hair with blue eyes. He was a pretty boy. Garrett-Jared came from money and Elliot was possibly less than nothing compared to the doctor.

Scraping his bottom lip with the top row of his teeth, he clutched onto the phone tightly. Thinking of Kathy with Garrett-Jared-What's-His-Face hurt him deeply. His heart ached at the thought of that man touching the love of his life in places where only he had touched since he was seventeen.

He was just about to set the phone down when he realized he could be interrupting an intimate moment between them if he called. He grinned wickedly and searched for her number once again. He was giving in to call her, too, because he needed to hear her voice again.

It rang _one…two…three_ times before he heard a, "Hello," On the other end, "Elliot?" she questioned.

He groaned inwardly once he heard that beautiful voice of hers, dripping with arousal. Then he quickly realized that he wasn't the one causing her to feel the way she was feeling. It angered him to think that that doctor had just touched _his_ woman.

Elliot cleared his throat and said, "_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you, but I couldn't fight it…_" and _I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it, and so I surrender just to hear your voice, _he continued in his head. He wasn't going to admit that to her out loud. What would she think of him?

Kathy played with one of her blond locks on the other side of the city and looked over at the man lying next to her, naked and frustrated. "Is there something wrong?" she asked him. She knew that there wasn't, though. She knew her soon-to-be-ex-husband too well. "Why are you calling Elliot?"

"_I know how many times I said I'm gonna to live without you, and maybe someone else is standing there beside you_." His voice softened at the mention of the new man in her life. "What was his name?"

Kathy sighed and pulled the cover over her breasts and settled back against the wooden headboard. "Jeremy," she reminded him. "Is that all you called for to say, Elliot? It's late…"

Elliot sank into the cushions of his couch and breathed in, "No…" he whispered. "_But there's something baby that you need to know,_" he paused, "_that deep inside me I feel like I'm dying." _

"Elliot, go to sleep," Kathy told him. She didn't want to hear anymore because, in all honestly, she was also dying. In all honesty, Jeremy was just there to her and was nothing more than just a partner that would be gone by the end of the month.

"No, Kath, listen," Elliot pleaded. "_I have to see you; it's all that I'm asking._" His voice cracked. He needed her back. He wasn't complete without her.

"Elliot, stop." Kathy said softly. She didn't want to listen to any more of what he had to say. It would just make her feel bad for leaving after she found out about that little "fling" he had with Detective Dani Beck. "We can't; we're done."

He said he didn't mean it.

He said he was drunk. Sure, Elliot, blame the alcohol.

He said it was all a mistake, and he would never deliberately hurt her.

Those were excuses she didn't want to listen to.

Elliot sucked in his breath and blinked back the tears that were beginning to sting his eyes. His heart sank and, if it were possible, shattered into another million pieces. "Fine, Kathy, but do me one favor. Please," he begged.

"What is it?"

"_Baby, give me back my fantasies…the courage that I need to live,_" he told her, "_the air that I need to breathe._" He cleared his throat – there was more. "I just want you to know that, _living without you, my world is empty. My days are so cold and lonely and each night,_" he paused for just a second, "_I taste the purest of pain…_"

Kathy glanced down at Jeremy who ran his fingers through his wavy blond hair. She sighed softly, unsure of what to say to Elliot after that. She closed her eyes and immediately saw his face…she almost smiled when she remembered that she was in bed with another man and thinking about her ex wasn't good…but neither was talking to him on the phone at twelve in the morning. "Have you been drinking?" it was a question that had been going through her mind since he called. Three months since they last seen and spoken to one another, and he called _now_.

Elliot forced a laugh. "No, I haven't." he sighed. "Can I say something else?"

Licking her lips, she nodded although he couldn't see. "What?"

"_I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day…that it didn't hurt me when you walked away."_

"Elliot…"

"_But to tell you the truth, I can't find my way…"_

"Just hang up for God's sake!"

That wasn't Kathy.

That definitely wasn't Elliot.

It was in the background. That voice belonged to Jeremy.

It infuriated Elliot, but he didn't want to mess things up even more with Kathy, so he remained as calm as he could. "Think about it, please. I want to see you."

"Good-night, Elliot."

_Beep_.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I may just continue this. I'm not sure...I sort of want to. Constructive criticism, please? **


End file.
